I kind of knew that this would be coming, I just hadn’t expected it to be this early. University is now consuming the majority of my life. And by consuming I mean basically eating it up without even chewing. The issue isn’t my official schedule of lectures or seminars, it’s my own personal schedule in between all those events, that is filled to the brim with studying, reading, practicing and summarizing chapters for hours and hours and still feeling it’s not enough. Nothing is unplanned anymore. Time is money and I can’t afford to loose any of it. Whenever I intend to actually have some free time I have to ask myself “have I really accomplished enough this week to allow myself this luxury? When can I squeeze in a couple of hours of work to make up for it so that I don’t feel that guilty?”. Ironically, enjoying free time like meeting friends keeps me away from studying, but without those highlights of my week, I wouldn’t be able to function at all.
Since my last couple of posts have been kind of depressing and sad. My mood swings are real at the moment so I thought I should seize the opportunity to write when I am in a good mood before it goes downhill again. I have yet to find out what triggers my good ‘episodes’, all I know is that besides being sick (again) I feel kind of happy and optimistic for once. I wonder if anyone ever reads this or if it’s basically just me talking to myself like an idiot. Oh well, I guess it would probably better that way. Anyway, today’s shoot took place on a roof top around my neighborhood, probably one of my favorite places in the world. Up there you have an incredible view of the city without having to share it with anyone else. Once in while I go up there to watch the sun set and take pictures, which – btw if you would like to see them – are often posted on my Instagram later.
I feel like I have been complaining in a lot of my recent posts. Not being the optimistic type is one of my weaknesses and I have always struggled with not letting my insecurities bring me down. There are days where I can laugh about it and brush it off and then there is days – like lately – where things just really get to me. If I had to describe myself I would say I am cheerful person with a lot of sadness and a really dark sense of humor. My moods come and go in waves, and I don’t know if that is ever going to change. I try my best to lift myself up as much as I can in that moment, and I am not gonna lie, a lot of times I fail miserably. But at the end of the day, good times replace the bad ones even if it’s just for a limited amount of time and the spiel starts all over again.
The day we shot this blog post’s photos wasn’t really a good day for me. My anxiety kept me up half of the night and then I ended up sleeping until 3 p.m and was still feeling super tired and exhausted after I had finally got up. I had actually been really excited to meet up with 2 of my closest friends, but I didn’t really manage to pull myself together. I felt like I was physically there, but not mentally. Trying my best to follow the conversation, my thoughts kept wandering off and I was feeling dizzy and kind of trapped in my own little bubble. I was hoping that eating would help (which it fortunately did), but prior, on our way to the table my coke slid off the tray that I was carrying. The good news were that I somehow managed to grab it last minute with minor spillage. However, in that movement my plate had started sliding as well, said goodbye and was basically flying off with Risotto spilling everywhere. Honestly, for a moment I was contemplating having a mental breakdown in the middle of the restaurant and it took me a lot to not start crying in front of everyone. Luckily, the staff was super nice and understanding and I got new food right away. Ironically, my coke pretty much survived this incident which was probably the reason that my Risotto didn’t.
As much as I love being blonde the downside to it is that you inevitably have to pay a visit to your hairdresser at least every couple of months. The last time I went was in April and I was procrastinating quite some time before I eventually booked another appointment. Don’t get me wrong, I love being pampered and getting my hair done, it’s just the price you have to pay for good service. I additionally got the ends trimmed as well and ended up paying 140 € for everything. Nevertheless, I am really, really happy with the result and I think nothing feels as good as leaving the salon with fresh new hair. Quick side story – a few days ago some girls at work told me that I look like Hannah Montana and I realized that she and I are not the only ones sharing the same hairstyle. There is 2000’s Lady Gaga, Gwen Stefani, Heidi Klum and lately also Charlize Theron in Atomic Blonde, a movie that I still need to watch, but at least I remembered the hairstyle.
Some of you might have noticed that I have started to name my posts after lyrics or song title. I think I have mentioned this before, but I am a song text addict and sometimes listen to a song over and over again just for one line. So whenever I can find something that matches a color or a theme of a look I use it as the title of my post, almost like a little hint or an allusion. This one though, is a little bit harder to guess since it is referring to the background story of this outfit. Initially, I had planned to finally – after announcing it multiple times – style my Rihanna X Fenty platform flats. Well, turned out I can’t walk in those shoes more than a mile. I tried everything. With padding, without padding, with padding and band aids, padding made of leather, padding made of gel, I even glued a piece of felt into the back of the shoe. Nothing helps.
I feel like every girl has a thing when it comes to shopping. For the majority it is probably handbags or shoes. I mean, which girl doesn’t dream of a closet full of shoes? However, for me personally shoes only come second. My thing is jackets. It is not even an intention that I always end up buying them, it sort of just happens. If I had to guess I would say I probably own about20, collection growing. I feel like a nice coat or an outerwear piece can make an otherwise pretty basic look to something cool, chique, classy without a lot of effort. The baby that I’ve fallen in love with just recently is this light pink distressed denim jacket from Zara. Or as I like to call it, the Barbie run over. I have already told you about my obsession with pink, so when I saw this jacket in store, I just had to have it.
I lasted exactly 7 days until I broke my promise to not buy any clothes in the month of May. I remember passing by H & M and figuring just having a look wouldn’t be against the rules. Well, it isn’t. But falling in love with a pair of lace-up jeans and buying it two days later definitely is. Looking back, it was naive of me to take the risk of entering the store in the first place. Once I like a piece, I have no self control. I should have known that my stubborn self wouldn’t rest until it left the shop with the item in question. To my defense, these jeans are remarkably unique and I haven’t seen anything alike anywhere else. You could think that this kind of a statement piece is hard to style, but it actually isn’t. Just throw on a basic T, some sneakers like I did and you have a casual outfit that will still turn heads.